In exploring the connections
among gender, schooling, and knowledge, this paper draws upon bodies
of work which have been examined many times. However, the purpose
of this essay is to frame a new question and begin to consider the
relationships between and the effects of the silencing or expression
of anger in women and their work as educators. The roots of this inquiry
are located in my girlhood as I witnessed the various women in my
life and their relationships with anger. But the questions framed
here emerge from two particular action research projects, the "Women
Teaching Girls Project" and the "Exploring Gender and Knowledge
Project." Each consisted of a series of retreats designed to
enable educators to identify and reflect on how their gender socialization
and gendered knowledge informed their educational practice. In the
first of these projects, consisting only of women, the discussion
of anger was prominent. While this particular project was completed
several years ago, I have returned to the data from this work, as
well as theoretical work on gender and anger, in order to consider
the value of anger in the educational work of women.
Path of Entry
There is one prominent life experience at the heart of my desire
to identify and understand the role of anger in the work of women
educators. It is a memory centering on my mother, who was a teacher
at St. Eugene's Elementary School. At the time, I was 11 and she
was 52. It was a Friday night in late January. My mother, father
and myself were in our small kitchen. She was describing to him
an incident that occurred earlier in the day. I don't recall the
content of the words. I do recall the tone and her actions. She
was recounting a strong disagreement that she had with the principal
of the school, Sr. Jean. My mother was angry. She showed us how,
in expressing her feelings she moved physically away from Sr. Jean,
backing into the wall. She moved her arm up to her face and let
out a very loud and deep sound. It was not a sound I had heard from
my mother. It was more the sound of a non-human animal. It was crusty.
It came from below her belly. I had rarely seen my mother angry.
I had never seen this form of anger. On Saturday afternoon she had
a stroke. On Sunday afternoon she died.
While I was not aware of it at the time, what merged in my psyche
were images of anger, women, teaching, and death. On some level,
school must have seemed a dangerous place for women teachers. Certainly,
anger was a very costly emotion. The sanctions against anger were
reinforced for me by cultural and religious messages communicating
the iconic standard of the "good woman." While on one
level I have been able to consciously disentangle these messages
and defuse their psychic power, on another level I see certain wisdom
in recognizing that expressions of anger can be and have been deeply
problematic for women in school. However, my three decades as a
teacher and my work with teachers have also led me to see anger
as a powerful tool for advocacy and change in school and in the
world. The silenced anger of women in schools stunts the potential
for both.
Theoretical Background
Within the last few years a number of educators have written about
the development of the teacher as an essential element in the work
of education. My research underscores the message of other educator/researchers
like Maria Harris (1988), Parker Palmer (1983/1993, 1998), and Jane
Tompkins (1996), who argue that the inner life of teachers, including
their emotional and spiritual development, influences what happens
in the classroom, with students, colleagues, and curricula.
Audre Lorde's essay on the erotic (1984) also speaks to the need
for disciplined attentiveness to the inner life and suggests that
teaching does have an erotic component. Lorde places the erotic,
which she describes essentially as deep feeling and the scrutinization
of feeling, at the heart of passionate living since this activity
offers a continuing source of insight and connection to our deepest
selves. If we want to encourage the growth of teachers as passionate
learners, knowers engaged in a passionate relationship with the
world, Lorde's claim holds great possibility and challenge for the
development of teachers. Her two-fold process is reminiscent of
Dewey's threefold process of inquiry which he asserts begins in
feeling, moves to the articulation of a question and ultimately
to its resolution (Garrison, 1997). Accordingly, if access to feelings
in general, or certain feelings in particular, is blocked then development
and knowledge will be constricted. Since schools are places that
should support the continuing construction of knowledge, the typical
absence of feelings from schooling can certainly be construed as
problematic.
There are, of course, particular emotions which are documented
as gendered and consequently unacceptable for public expression.
These emotions are what Alison Jagger has called "outlaw emotions"
-- feelings which are "conventionally unacceptable" (p.
160) since they violate the standards of what it means to be a good
woman or a real man. Jagger challenges such prohibitions asserting
that these emotions are, "appropriate if they are characteristic
of a society in which all humans thrive, or if they are conducive
to establishing such a society...it is appropriate to feel anger
and perhaps disgust in those situations where humans are denied
their full creativity or freedom" (pp. 161-62).
It seems no coincidence that Jagger identifies anger specifically
as an outlaw emotion. Other women have written about anger and its
potential as a force for change. The theologian Beverly Harrison
(1984) claims that anger is an essential emotion in the work of
love. It signals that something is wrong thus it provides necessary
information for relational work. Carol Gilligan (1991) identifies
anger as the "political emotion par excellence." Anger
often provides the spark or fuel behind the work of justice. Anita
Barrows, another psychologist, makes a distinction between rage
and outrage.
With outrage, anger takes a leap into the arena of injustice...Outrage
leads to resistance...we have learned that the oppressor may be
undermined by resistance; not by superior force, but by fortitude,
faith, conviction, defiance of authority. Outrage is the conjunction
of rage and eros, where what informs rage is love and the absolute
determination that what we love shall be preserved...its aim would
be not to continue the cycle of suffering, but rather to interrupt
it and establish something new in its stead (1996, p. 54).
Barrows goes on to ask, "Can we allow our anger not to dissolve,
not to lose itself, until we have found what it is asking of us"
(p. 56)? Her words call to mind Lorde's erotic process of feeling
and the scrutinization of feeling in order to garner the knowledge
embodied therein.
Because anger has been silenced in women, it is an outlaw emotion.
And its existence as an outlaw emotion works to insure that it will
be denied, that what might be learned from it will not develop and
that the "desire to preserve what we love" will not be
acted upon in the form of advocacy. Based on my experience with
women who are also educators, the silencing of feeling knowledge
takes on added urgency as I wonder what the righteous anger of women
might do for schools? If women educators were able to find a way
to tune into outrage as Barrows describes it -- "the conjunction
of rage and eros," what would be interrupted and what new thing
might be established.
In talking about what is silenced or acted upon by teachers, we
want to remain mindful that these words and behaviors are witnessed
by students. There is evidence in the work of Brown Gilligan (1992);
Brown (1998); Debold, Wilson Malave (1993); Leadbeater Way (1996);
Taylor, Gilligan Sullivan (1996) to suggest that girls do learn
from what they observe in women. Girls also learn in their relationships
with women. While additional work can be done to examine these connections
more thoroughly, it makes sense to imagine that the cultural restrictions
informing women's expression and action shape what girls see and
hear and offer girls a sense of permission or transgression in speaking
and acting in the world. Consequently, an intervention in the speech
and action of women and men has a good chance of influencing the
development of girls and boys.
Methodology
The "Women Teaching Girls" and "Exploring Gender
and Knowledge" retreats were action research projects designed
to intervene in the education of girls and boys by promoting a reflective
awareness on the part of the adults who worked with them.
The first set of retreats was conducted with sixteen teachers,
counselors, and administrators from the Laurel School for Girls
in Ohio and three researchers from the Harvard Graduate School of
Education. The retreats grew out of a larger project on girls' development
headed by Lyn Brown and Carol Gilligan. They took place at the initial
request of one of the teachers after a group of teachers decided
to meet regularly to consider the messages they might be communicating
to girls. At a faculty meeting, during the second year of the five
year study, a few of the women spoke about how they silenced themselves
at such meetings because of a desire to avoid conflict. Because
this was also something the researchers were hearing the adolescent
students admit as well, the teachers wondered about the possible
connections between their own socialization and the socialization
of their students.
In consultation with Pat Hall, an administrator at the school,
I designed and facilitated two of the three retreats. I drew largely
on the work of Maria Harris who in Women and Teaching (1988) identifies
five generative themes necessary in an education for girls and women.
The themes are: Silence, Remembering, Mourning, Artistry, and Birthing.
Based on these themes, I developed a curriculum for the retreats
(Dorney, 1991). The process was akin to an experience of consciousness
raising and it strongly influenced the relationships among all the
women. It provided a space for the women to speak up and out both
individually and collectively within the retreat community and later
in the public world of the school. Two of the three retreats were
taped and transcribed and I interviewed each woman participant three
to nine months after the last retreat.
There were two "Exploring Gender and Knowledge" retreats,
designed and facilitated by myself and Dr. Craig Flood. The participants
were female and male middle school educators from nine schools across
New York State. We developed a curriculum grounded in but different
from the "Women Teaching Girls" retreats. In considering
the influence of the retreats on the participants, Dr. Flood and
I drew on field notes, correspondence and interviews with participants
after the final retreat (Dorney Flood, 1997).
Anger was a theme for the women in both projects and while it
was identified as an issue in personal relationships it was also
very present in their work. Although anger was acknowledged in the
analysis of each retreat experience, it was not a major focus. For
the scope of this essay I returned specifically to the data from
the "Women Teaching Girls" project in order to look for
the presence of anger and how it was linked to silence or expression.
The questions I posed at this juncture were:
1. Where is anger identified?
2. In what context?
3. Was it silenced? If so, why or how?
4. Was it expressed or used for action? If so, why or how?
5. What fostered the expression?
6. What knowledge does it suggest?
I have chosen to highlight a portion of the dialogue from the
second "Women Teaching Girls" retreat and interview excerpts
from three of the women participants. The sample of voices is small.
Nevertheless, I have found that these women offer insight into the
dynamics that work to either encourage or stifle the expression
of anger for, at least some, female teachers in schools.
The women represented here are all of European American descent.
They are well educated and middle class. They were, at the time
of the retreats, between the ages of thirty five and fifty. Their
social location may make them especially vulnerable to the "good
girl" standard identified below. However, this does not mean
that other women educators might not be held to this standard in
schools where white, middle class norms are still dominant.
The Stories: Claiming Anger Through Connection
The second retreat began with the women in pairs responding to
four questions. They were: What has been the best thing to come
out of our work together for you? What has been the best thing for
the school? What has been the hardest thing for you? What has been
the hardest thing for the school?
Ann and Betty were conversation partners. Betty had been the school
psychologist at Laurel for 4 years. Ann had been one of the top
administrators in the upper school for 3 years. In commenting on
how the first retreat had influenced her life, Betty admitted:
And I think over the course of time I have really come
to realize that the problems that I face have a lot to do with the
fact that I always want to be the good little girl. And that so
much of the message that I learned in my model of my mother and
how she was, was to be the good little girl and you were loved,
and you got all these positive things and everyone thought you were
wonderful. And I really see that impacting more and more at Laurel...
(Dorney, 1991, p. 73)
She went on to suggest that because they are primarily a female
faculty, "we all got into being good little girls" and
"we confuse our professional roles with our personal relationships."
Anger is a challenge to this good girl model of behavior. As Betty
continued she admitted that, "...I really have a hard time
being angry" (p. 74).
Her conversation partner, Ann, picked up this thread of conversation.
Contrary to Betty's experience, she noted that anger had been a
"source of energy" for her. Whenever Ann had been in situations
where she had to change her life "for the sake of [her] mental
health, [her] energy came from being angry" (p. 74). Although
Ann saw her anger as a positive the difficulty for her came in feeling
that this source of energy was not valued at Laurel. She asserted
that, "the hardest thing for me, and of course this work has
made me get much more in touch with it, the hardest thing at Laurel
school is that there is no place to be angry" (p. 74). With
this admission, Ann delineates the contours of acceptable professional
behavior within the school. So that even though she has individually
been able to resist the "good girl" mandate against anger,
the school culture prohibits anger. This is too much for Ann to
take on. She molds herself to the school's image of what is appropriate
and valued. And although anger is a source of personal energy in
confronting a hard situation (of which there are many in just about
every school), Ann silences herself.
At this point, Carol Gilligan entered the conversation with a
challenge. She cut to the heart of much of what had been said. Carol
raised questions about the kind of relationships possible when this
kind of silencing is part of the dynamic. "The best thing for
me in this [retreat work]," she said, "and the hardest
thing for me in this is how to be in what I do. And to think that
if I'm not in what I do, who's doing it? And what am I doing with
my life? And if I am in it, I mean, will I survive? Will anybody
else survive? You know, isn't this sort of terribly disruptive"
(p. 75)? The psychologist Anita Barrows in her essay, "The
Light of Outrage: Women, Anger, and Buddhist Practice," poses
a similar question. "Is our longing to be 'good' greater than
our longing to be whole" (1996, p. 55)? Several of the women
spoke following Carol's questions. But, for the most part, they
focused on the potential losses associated with speaking up and
the discussion shifted to a focus on power differences and the risk
inherent in speaking one's mind or disagreeing with an administrator.
Jean, an administrator in the elementary branch of the school who
had been at Laurel for 13 years, mentioned the "humiliation"
that can come from being silenced publicly at a meeting by the head
of the school, also a woman. As Jean spoke directly about her humiliating
experience I was aware that in that situation there were probably
other women from the group present. I asked, "...where are
you all when Jean needs to speak and is silenced?...How can you
help each other to speak..."(p. 78)? These questions signaled
the entry of a new focus in our conversation and the issue of collusion
ultimately became a critical examination for us in the remainder
of our work together. Carol inserted a question about what it is
girls observe and learn from women when women opt not to express
authentic and, at times, disruptive feelings.
Connie, who had been at Laurel for 6 years and who worked with
the primary level students, took on Carol's question. She spoke,
I later realized, from a place of experience as one who often was
willing to put herself out there. Connie did speak her mind and
was often the only one who did so. Thus, she often found herself
at odds with female colleagues and dismissed by other administrators
who were looking for agreement rather than a genuine response. With
some emotion, she asked, "How many times can I buck it and
demonstrate to the children that I lose and get squished down again,
or you know, humiliated or whatever, and then set them up for a
very uncomfortable thing of, 'Hey, not me'" (p. 79). She then
turned to me and said, "And that's why I like what you were
saying, that together, supported it can work. But if you try to
do it in isolation by yourself, you keep demonstrating over and
over again to your students why you shouldn't do this. Because you
are going to be humiliated" (p. 79).
These conversations were essential in isolating some of the internalized
knowledge and behaviors of the women both as individuals and as
members of a group. For the purpose of summation I want to suggest
that these internalized messages and responses to the desire to
express one's ideas, to make one's genuine contribution, and the
injunction not to feel or act on certain feelings as women and as
educators resulted in behaviors that created a rather repressed
environment in the school. There are multiple consequences to such
repression. If we consider only the effects on the construction
of knowledge we can reasonably ask what happens to inquiry in a
school when people live largely out of fear, when people cannot
get angry?
During the third retreat one focus of our work was analyzing and
responding to a decision that had been made by Joan, the head of
the school. There was a conference being planned to announce the
findings from the Laurel work to a national audience. The Harvard
researchers would all be presenting different dimensions of the
work. However, no one except Joan, the head of Laurel, and a few
other administrators would be in attendance because school was in
session. Joan wanted us to have a mini-conference at the school
following the conference. Everyone in our retreat group felt this
was unacceptable, but it was the Laurel women who imagined a response.
Through much discussion, they decided that all faculty and staff
should be able to attend the conference. They proposed switching
a professional day that was scheduled for May to the April conference
day in order to accommodate this. They consulted with the hotel
to insure that seventy-five more people could be accommodated. They
decided they would all meet with Joan to propose their plan. If
she refused, they agreed that each one of them would take a personal
day and attend the conference but their first choice was to provide
access for all the faculty. They met with Joan who thought it was
a wonderful idea. The day of the conference all Laurel faculty were
present and the women retreats participants lead discussion groups
on the work we had on the retreats. Together, they had disarmed
their own powerful image of the head of the school and this enabled
them to act. What moved them initially was a sense of injustice,
to some extent outrage, that faculty would be overlooked on this
occasion. Because they had come together as a group they could also
identify and face the fear that would prohibit them from speaking
and acting on their own behalf and as advocates for the larger faculty.
One of the women admitted being "nervous" and "scared"
that such a stance might cost her job. The cornerstone of their
action was the ability to feel their anger and their fear and to
stand together in responding to these feelings and to the knowledge
they revealed. At the end of May and the following October I interviewed
each of the women. I focus here on the words of Betty, Ann, and
Connie. Each describes a form of advocacy that involves breaking
a pattern of collusion.. Central to this shift is a valuing of anger
as a source of valuable information. These are small instances of
change but as one of the women noted, if we can have the "courage
to act in a small way...it might begin to change the structure a
little bit" (Dorney, 1991, p. 111).
Betty
I asked Betty what she knew now that she didn't know before our
work together. Thoughtfully, she replied:
I think what I really know is that I need----, I can't
be happy, truly happy, not listening to what I truly feel. By trying
to either not listen to that voice or deny[ing] that voice or deciding
not to give expression to that voice, any of those, I pay a real
price. And I don't have to pay that price. I do have a choice about
it. And I don't think that I always recognized that either I had
that choice or the price I was paying (Dorney, 1991, p. 145).
She then spoke particularly about the conversation the morning
of the second retreat between herself, Ann, and Carol. That discussion
helped her to reconsider relationships and "what kind of relationship
[it] is if your needs aren't met and you can't be angry" (Dorney,
1991, p. 146). This awareness had a profound influence on her relationships
with her family and she described three incidents where she responded
differently to her husband and children than she would have before
that discussion. But she also described a change in the nature of
her responses at school. One particular incident involved her refusing
to facilitate a meeting between one of the women administrators
and her staff. This woman, Leslie, had received some negative evaluations
from her staff. Leslie decided she wanted to have a meeting with
them, go through the evaluations, and talk with the staff members
about what she thought she could do to respond to them and then
invite their responses. Joan, the head of the school asked Betty,
as the school psychologist, to facilitate the meeting against Leslie's
will. Betty refused. Joan told Betty the meeting would happen whether
she chose to facilitate or not, suggesting that by opting out of
this she might make the situation worse. Betty replied, "That
might be...but I can't be a part of something I don't agree with"
(Dorney, 1991, p. 146).
In the past, Betty said, her tendency would have been to facilitate
the meeting, because someone had asked her for help and because
she might be able to "smooth out a situation" or "justify"
her collusion in a bad situation feeling that if she went along
in this way she might have a greater impact in other ways. She no
longer believed this to be true. Betty did not feel she had to protect
Leslie. Leslie had to do that for herself. But Betty did want Leslie
to be clear about what she wanted and she wanted to be an "advocate"
for Leslie as well as herself. Betty described her feelings when
Joan asked her to facilitate the meeting. Betty could feel her anxiety
level rising. She felt a need to "breathe deeper" and
her "heart beating faster." In the past she would not
have attended to these visceral responses but she found herself
asking, "Why am I feeling this way?" And my first response
was, "Leslie, I have to tell you this feels wrong to me"
(Dorney, 1991, p. 147).
She described her new found tendency to stay with these emotional
and bodily responses and claim them as a source of knowledge. In
situations she is now more likely to ask, "Why am I responding
emotionally?" "What is this touching in me" (Dorney,
1991, p. 148)? And she listens to that voice. She no longer finds
it tenable to split her emotional and professional responses. She
has come closer to healing the "divided heart" as Parker
Palmer (1998) identifies it. And her ability to act as an advocate
comes from her ability to see a situation from a place of wholeness
rather than a place of fear or a "good woman" injunction
to smooth things over.
Ann
When I interviewed Ann she was no longer at Laurel school. She
had a new position at another private school in the Midwest and
much of what she spoke about in her interview was her decision to
leave Laurel and her changed way of being there after the third
retreat and her decision to leave. Her decision to leave came from
her deepening awareness that she could not be herself and remain
at Laurel. The cost of this division was finally too great.
Speaking directly, Ann said, "What I know is that if I say
aloud everything that I believe and feel in professional and social
situations that it will be unacceptable or disruptive or will lead
to rejection or distancing that I don't want" (Dorney, 1991,
p. 150). But part of the paradox of silencing oneself is that, "a
lot of energy goes into being careful instead of living your life...[and]
the energy one expends in being careful...becomes habitual as well"
(Dorney, 1991, p. 150). Leaving Laurel was necessary for Ann in
order to break that habit.
She further explained that before she left Laurel her relationships
with colleagues began to shift, at least in part, because of her
desire to speak and act from a less divided place. She noted that
these conversations, "would not be called good administrative
policies at times [but]...it was really being able to say what I
believed and what I thought and being able to express the feelings
I had about things that happened" (Dorney, 1991, p. 151). One
of her male colleagues commented that she had never "talked
like this before." Although Ann felt he was a bit uncomfortable
about this more direct communication, she added that, "at the
same time the nature of our conversation about other things got
funnier and warmer...out of that I think came a trust from him that
I hadn't had before...so in a sense it dropped the barrier for just
the human stuff to happen" (Dorney, 1991, p. 151).
While the shift in Ann's way of being is not a direct response
to anger, it was anger that helped her identify the problems for
her at Laurel. Her silencing and the incongruence of her feelings,
speech, and action made her angry. When she was able to find a group
and a place at Laurel where she could be angry and scrutinize the
anger, she was able to take action on her own behalf and on behalf
of more honest collegial relationships. She highlighted the importance
of the group in this process:
The need in me to act on the effects of being silenced
at Laurel school was made authentic by my participation in the group...to
get in touch with my own self and what I've always known and to
act courageously about it. And it was the experience of the group,
not just the support, but the experience of the group...that made
it possible for me to act that way for the first time in a public
setting, which I hadn't done before. (Dorney, 1991, p. 152)
I do not know if Ann has found the need for such a group in her
new school or if entering with this determination to speak her truth
has been sufficient for her to continue to do so. She did admit,
at the time of our interview, that there was a "greater congruence"
between what she felt and how she acted publicly. It is my belief
that over the long haul we need not only an attitude and desire
for wholeness but, as Ann herself said, "a place to be angry"
or an outlaw community to support those efforts.
Connie
Connie, a reading specialist and associate director of the primary
level of Laurel school, had the habit of being outspoken. Her tendency
at Laurel as well as at previous schools had been to speak her mind.
The issue for Connie was that there had not been a direct connection/awareness
of feelings.. What she illustrated in her interview was that this
emotional awareness was essential in helping her to respond differently
to colleagues and to students. Early in the interview she commented
that in spite of her intuition that particular relationships were
inauthentic she could, "never tell you what I was after...Now
I know the words to talk about it, to bring the feelings out"
(Dorney, 1991, p. 166). Emphasizing the importance of connecting
with her feelings she added, "I have been able to take what
was anger and turn it into knowledge" (Dorney, 1991, p. 167).
Additional conversation clarified what some of this knowledge
might be. Prior to our work together Connie felt isolated from colleagues
due to her willingness to speak out. Her participation in the retreat
groups gave her new insight into the reasons why women silence themselves
and don't support each other. She described herself as more "tolerant"
toward women.. Their knowledge, "May be buried so deep ...that
we'll never see it in this lifetime, but I know it's there. I know
that. And I didn't know that before. So it's almost as though I
have seen this core or this soul or whatever..." (Dorney, 1991,
p. 167).
When I asked Connie if she could describe a situation in school
in which this newly constructed knowledge was influential, she narrated
a story about having to discipline a fourth grade girl. The grade
level seems particularly significant since it was in speaking with
fourth graders that we first heard a shift in girls' voices toward
silencing. The incident involved three girls and one computer. One
girl had been using it for ten minutes. There were ten minutes remaining
of class time and two girls who had not yet used it. When the second
girl started her turn, the third girl, Katie, suggested they each
take five minutes. The second girl refused. Katie thought that was
unfair and she removed the disk from the computer so no one could
use it. There was some kind of altercation and Katie scratched the
second girl. Katie was sent to Connie.
Connie said:
And I realized at this moment, and this is really significant,
as a result of this work, I realized that the reason I have always
been uncomfortable with this {disciplining} is because I have to
act, respond in a way I know is wrong. But that's what the institution
expects...that being...the traditional kinds of things. "You
have to be a good little girl and very cooperative and not get into
arguments and not get into fights and get along with everybody and
love the world and everything will be hunky dorey" (Dorney,
1991, p. 169). But this time Connie asked the girl to tell her what
happened. She told me what happened. I said, "Okay, you know,
what were you feeling?" ...it came down to validating the fact
that she was angry, that she had a right to be angry, that it's
okay to say it...the only thing that I am unhappy about is that
you chose to hurt her physically. That is really bad. We can't do
that...And then we talked about what she could have done instead
...what would have been a better way to resolve it? What would have
worked for her...I said, "What are you going to do about this?"
I wasn't going to step in as an institution. I explained to her
that if she got into a physical thing again we would be singing
a different tune...But this was the first time she was involved
in something like this... And she decided that she needed to talk
to the girl that she had scratched...I said, "Why would you
want to do that?" It turns out that they were friends. We talked
about that. "What would you accomplish by talking to her?'
"Maybe she would forgive me" Katie replied (Dorney, 1991,
p. 169). Taking this approach with Katie made Connie feel good.
She explained why. Because I had allowed her to be herself...I hadn't
lied the lie...I hadn't disciplined her and told her...it's not
okay to be angry. I had hung with the truth. As she was talking
to me she started to cry about why she felt badly that she [had]
done it and what the risk was of having hurt someone and maybe she
would lose her friend. I started crying...But I felt her pain. Her
pain was real. So I allowed her to have whatever was real to be
there and have it be okay...This work has enabled me to get what
is going on, what matters to these kids. What is it they really
care about? (Dorney, 1991, p. 169)
With an awareness of the knowledge embodied in anger, Connie was
able to allow Katie to hold onto her experience of being angry and
to consider the reasons for it. While not negating the feelings,
Connie also helped Katie to see the inappropriateness and potential
danger of her physical response to her anger and she guided Katie
to an imaginative vision of other potential responses. Connie's
ability to do this can be construed as an act of advocacy for Katie.
In this situation a girl was told by a woman that anger is an important
feeling and she is helped to think about her angry feelings and
how she can respond to them. This is a step toward holding onto
feelings, voice, and what one knows from one's experience. If girls
had more women guides like this perhaps there would be fewer girls
who lose themselves, who become divided in adolescence.
Conclusion: An Outlaw Community - A Homeplace for Women Educators
In her essay, "Homeplace: a site of resistance" (1990),
bell hooks describes the radical political activity of homeplace
construction. This involved African-American people, primarily women,
creating sites where racism could be opposed and the internalized
messages uncovered and exorcised. It was a place of activism, advocacy,
and healing. hooks writes, "We could not learn to love or respect
ourselves in the culture of white supremacy, on the outside; it
was there on the inside, in that 'homeplace', most often created
and kept by black women, that we had the opportunity to grow and
develop, to nurture our spirits" (p. 42). Certainly the retreat
work seemed to provide that kind of homeplace where spirits were
nurtured and healed through the active deconstruction and resistance
of messages of oppression and repression. What would it take for
schools, which are also largely in the hands of women, to be made
into such places?
Terry Tempest Williams, in her essay exploring the connections
between women and homemaking, resistance and advocacy asks, "What
are our preoccupations as women" (1994, p. 134)? Her question
cuts to the heart of the matter. What is of ultimate value? What
are we doing to make the schoolplace, a homeplace, and a site of
resistance and advocacy? Tempest Williams suggests that part of
the answer might lie in the visible presence of wild cards. As she
describes the wild card she suggests that each woman would carry
a deck of cards:
wild cards -- cards that could not only portend the future
but create it. If a woman saw an act that violated the health and
integrity of her community, she would leave a card on-site. If she
was moved by a particular piece of legislation on behalf of or against
the land, she would dash off a card to her senator or representative.
And if she found her self in a board of directors meeting and the
truth as she felt it was not being told, she would place all her
cards on the table as a sign that the games of men are not the games
of women. (p. 135)
Both hooks and Tempest Williams suggest a dimension of what I
see as evident in the work here described. It is necessary to have
a space, a place and even a small group of women who can create
an environment designed to heal the wounds of a larger culture and
dismantle, even in small ways, institutions that work against the
full and healthy development of their members. Part of the work
of healing and resistance involves claiming anger and learning from
it. When anger is denied in homes and in schools, change is unlikely.
There is no wild card to mark the violation. Consequently, the work
of healing and advocacy has no context.
The presence of this kind of outlaw community or homeplace enabled
Betty, Ann, and Connie to throw down their wild cards. In so doing
they helped to make the school a safe space to be angry and a site
where the joining of feelings and thoughts contributed to more holistic
development and an active relationship to knowledge.
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Dr. Judith Dorney is an Associate Professor at SUNY-New
Paltz.
dorneyj@matrix.newpaltz.edu
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