Sometimes confrontations arise from trying to produce change in order to improve an organization. One reason change is so hard to accomplish is that the status quo is usually benefiting someone and he will not welcome change. He may perceive it as a direct threat. And that is when squeals are heard, voices raise and tempers flare. At least it gets everyone off dead center and kick starts the momentum again

Mark McCormack, the marketing whiz and management guru who founded International Management Group to hover over the careers of sports greats, carefully shepherding them to greater clout and earnings, believes confrontation can be a good thing. He even, at times, hires a confrontational manager over a very competent, even tempered, low risk performer because he expects the end result will be better.

Granted, confrontation is a risky business, but that's the point, precisely. A prickly, edgy combative person is willing to step on toes, and pay the considerable price, to achieve a corporate goal. He or she fights the difficult and sometimes unpleasant battles and keeps everyone else on their toes. Remember all those times you read the news media criticizing a popular president or governor because he's not willing to "spend" his popularity to get difficult objectives accomplished? Unless you're an entertainer whose goal is to get people to pay money to see or hear you perform, there's no great reward in popularity in and of itself. Popularity converted into accomplishing a program can be powerful and popularity spent, or eroded, by pursuing an objective you believe in, whether it's raising money for a non-profit, raising the consciousness level of a desease, as Katy Couric is doing with colon dancer, or accomplishing a company goal, is popularity well spent.

So, it's ok to get a little fiery sometimes, even to confront someone with humor or a degree of anger if they've performed disappointingly. Sometimes confrontations flare up as an unintended consequence of getting into a touchy area with another employee. Sometimes confrontations arise from trying to produce change in order to improve an organization. One reason change is so hard to accomplish is that the status quo is usually benefiting someone and he will not welcome change. He may perceive it as a direct threat. And that is when squeals are heard, voices raise and tempers flare. That moment of volatility is really not such a bad thing.... at least it gets everyone off dead center and kick starts the momentum again.....but it can be very treacherous for a woman:

• Remember You're Dealing with Men; the "Fight or Flight" instinct is exceptionally strong. If you touch a sensitive nerve, a man will react like his ancestors did when they encountered a bear in the forest. And since it's not likely he'll flee from the table, expect a roaring fight. He will experience a surge of adrenaline and very probably will attack you. He is genetically disposed to do so.
• They Can Yell. You Can't. Gail Evans, a veteran executive at CNN shares this wisdom in a book entitled "What Men know about Success that Women Need to Learn - Play Like a Man, Win like a Woman." She starts out a chapter called "Six Things Men Can Do at Work that Women Can't," by recalling the song "Anything you can do, I Can Do Better" from Annie Get your Gun. "In the context of business" she writes "that song could be retitled" Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Too, with Dire Consequences."

The simple fact is, men and women are judged differently in business, whether it's in appearance, mannerisms or performance, men are presumed right until proven wrong and given the benefit of the doubt. Women are judged much more harshly. No one is suprised or taken back or offended when men yell, turn red, sulk or fume. Women who display anger are perceived as difficult and worse. Even though you have a perfect right to be angry at times, men will scold you, talk behind your back or otherwise take you to task for it. They might even be jealous you can speak up and confront someone if they lack the courage to do so. But the best bet is to express your anger, then move on. Men do it all the time. It's part of the game. Don't be drawn into endless discussions about it, personal counter attacks or giving an apology. That just puts you in an inferior position and lets your opponent feel like he can dominate you next time.

It may happen that one of your colleagues will develop a resentment or grudge after a confrontation, and be looking for a way to undermine you or your programs, a pay back which will assuage his ego. That would be unfortunate and most men aren't wired this way. Most men love a good fight,figure that being brusque, thick skinned, even yelling is part of the game and they want the game to go on. After you "whip the tar" out of your opponent you buy him a drink and stand around with your arms around each other, telling humorous or ego-stroking stories.

If you somehow, unfortunately,got a hold of a champion grudge holder, ignore him and keep doing the best possible job you can. The single attribute that distinguishes women in business is often the strength and depth of their persistence. Usually persistence will get you through, since so many people are not persistent, they will usually give up their grudge against you and move on to another real or imagined slight, while you , in the meantime, are still plugging away doing a wonderful job and getting credit for it. Try to remember, it's not your job to keep everyone happy as a clam. Your job is to succeed, and if it takes a little confrontation, from time to time, that's part of the price of success. Men handle it and so can you.