"Hidden Agendas, Masked Assumptions" of Everyday Negotiations

The only reason someone is negotiating with you is that you have a value which he wants. The more you can make that value visible, and make the negotiation pivot around it, the stronger your position will be.

Almost every day at work, we are faced with some type of negotiation. Not only must we negotiate for our salary, perks, benefits, title, office space and support staff, but daily issues involving our duties, the need for increased manpower, authority over projects, flexibility with clients, arrangements, communication or sharing of the workload with co-workers; all require a form of negotiation, which, if we fail to recognize, we will, in all probability, fail to win.

Beneath the surface of all negotiations are "hidden agendas and masked assumptions", most of which are unfavorable to women. Women, generally, are expected to acquiesce, keep the peace, not make waves, and be the first to make concessions. Women need to learn not to buy into this self-defeating set of expectations. There are reasons women take home only seventy four cents for every dollar of men's take-home pay, and one of those reasons is that women accept the terms they are first offered and fail to negotiate for more, not only more salary, but more support, better hours, more flexibility, better travel conditions and office space.

In "The Shadow Negotiation", authors Deborah Kolb, Ph.D., and Judith Williams, Ph.D. point out that the results of failing to bargain hard and smart " accumulate over time, widening a gap that is no longer measured in money alone." This gap can result in a woman not being given the resources or authority to allow her to succeed, and in being passed over for plum assignments, where she will gain visibility and recognition. The effects of acquiescing, rather than holding your opposition's feet to the fire, can snowball, not only becoming increasingly negative, as time goes by, but sending your career on a downward trajectory as well.

Negotiating well is really a matter of learning some basic techniques, bringing to bear all your observations and insights about the other parties, speaking up for yourself, and practicing every day, in every negotiation, no matter how small.

Prepare To Negotiate

Get some perspective by talking to others in advance, getting their feedback. Develop alternatives so you can be prepared to walk away without accepting what the other side offers. Walking away, or feigning walking away, is a powerful negotiating tool.

Plan carefully precisely what it is you want and the minimum you will accept. Always ask for more than you want , so you have something to give in on. Use " the salami technique", getting what you want, one slice at a time, rather than asking for the whole salami at once, thereby, at least on the surface, lowering the cost to your opponent to give in, so he will be less likely to fight.

Offer Incentives and Make Your Value Visible

The only reason someone is negotiating with you is that you have a value which he wants. The more you can make that value visible, and make the negotiation pivot around it, the stronger your position will be. For example, if you are an editor going into a salary negotiation, and you have been asked to "pitch in", as women frequently are, to oversee your company's newsletter, in addition to your regular work, you can make that expertise more visible by withdrawing your services prior to a negotiation. You can do this directly: " I was happy to pitch in, but if I'm not adequately paid for my regular job, it's hard to justify going the extra mile to help with the newsletter." Or you can finesse it: " My current workload just doesn't allow it. We'll see what the future brings." They will understand. And, if they don't, perhaps you consider moving on to a brighter and more generous group.

Although this may seem harsh, most experts on the subject agree that women's work, in particular, has a way of getting "disappeared". You become the organization "wife", expected to bear most of the tiresome chores cheerfully and without thanks or recognition. Don't buy into it.

As Kolb and Williams say: " The value of the work you do disappears unless you claim it. Unnoticed work goes unrewarded. Rather than continue to be taken for granted, you can deliberately jostle their awareness."

Participate in Structuring the Process

Find ways to make the negotiation more fair and objective. When discussing salary, bring benchmarks to show what others in your position in your industry are earning. Use comparisons, studies, and surveys to help make your point. Don't let the opposition make all the rules. You make rules more favorable to your position.

Negotiation Often Means Confronting Change

Negotiation is often about change and many people tend to resist change. They particularly resist paying more, either in the form of money, power or collaboration, all of which have value in the workplace. Workplace issues like family leave or flextime may be new to a company and require some soul searching. Again, one is well advised to bring comparisons and studies to back up your advocacy of what's workable and desirable for your organization. People are far less likely to question published facts from reliable sources than they are to question you.

Apply Pressure, Develop Allies

The status quo is always the path of least resistance. Generally, in the short run, it's easier to do nothing, so that's the path many will choose, if left to their own devices. It's up to you to make change more appealing by making the status quo less comfortable. If negotiating for yourself, you should highlight all the work you do and the goals you accomplish. Make it evident that without your work, support, or collaboration, the status quo will become increasingly uncomfortable in various ways.

You can also show that what you are asking for is really the lesser of two evils. For example, "If we don't pay more money for better insurance now, the odds are the company will be liable for many times this amount, later, for a liability not covered by our present insurance. We would really be protecting our assets."

Find allies who support your position and put them to work as well. The more fresh reinforcements you have backing your position, the stronger it will be. The idea is not to let your opponents wear you down. You wear them down, with persistence, research, and an increasing number of allies for your position.

Resisting Challenges-Naming

Just as political camps do in an election, it's important that you have an almost instantaneous response to challenges. Always make your position clear, avoid the personal, reframe issues from your point of view. One tactic which is very important for women is "naming". We should always try to make visible any tactic being used against us so people can see it for what it is. When an opponent continuously asks for more information, or ,for one reason another, refuses to reach a conclusion or bring a matter to closure, you can name this tactic "stalling."

According to Kolb and Williams " Just the act of naming let's the other person know the tactic is transparent. As a result naming delivers two messages: They show you are not naive about common negotiating tactics and that the particular ploy is not working. You recognize both the ploy and why it is being used against you."

Not Every One Will Walk Out Happy As Can Be

Women, with our more nurturing, caring and connecting nature, instinctively want everyone to walk away from a negotiation happy. In fact, women sometimes lose a negotiation because in the final moments, having won, we toss the victory back, like a fish, being tossed back into the stream. "Oh John, I hope you're not too unhappy. Maybe we can work something out after all." Resist that urge. This is not a child with a skinned knee. This is your colleague and your equal who was willing to do what it took to win against you and he certainly wouldn't be tossing you any concessions, after the fact. You've seen football players doing a victory dance after a touchdown? Picture your colleague with the same reaction to a win over you.

When you win, you win. Don't look back. Don't be affected, one way or another by tantrums, scowls, gruff remarks or sulky body language. He doesn't have to like it. It's not your job to keep everyone happy. Your job is to be an advocate for you.

In the end, if you put you first, you will be an advocate for change. And change will be good both for women and the organizations for which they work.