Mr & Ms Talk: 6 tips for Bridging the Gender Communications Gap
By Joanna L. Krotz
Here are six typical scenarios where communication between the sexes goes off the rails — and what you can do to get it back on track.
- Power plays
Her way: Women tend to ask lots of questions before beginning work. His way: Men simply roll up their sleeves.
The result: Men assume women aren’t up to the job. If they were competent, reason men, then women wouldn’t be asking so many questions. But in fact, women typically verify and validate data before starting tasks, sometimes to improve their performance. “Women gather information by asking questions, but men view question asking as a sign of weakness. The reverse scenario is that men hate to ask for information or guidance. But women assume that if men don’t ask questions, they must know enough to complete a job. That’s often not the case. For women bosses, it’s a good idea to verify that men have enough knowledge to complete a task. Oversee the work in the early phases or offer help without being asked.
- Command conflicts
Her way: Growing up, girls tend to establish relationships. His way: Boys usually vie for leadership. The result: Men and women impose authority differently. “Women tend to be more collaborative in the workplace and put relationships first. But men routinely challenge and expect to be challenged. Each often finds the other’s style ineffective or insulting. Women see men as hamfisted or insecure when they come on so strong. Men think women lack confidence or conviction because they work hard to get buyin.Neither, of course, is accurate. To jump the divide, borrow a bit from the other’s style. Men can try a more collaborative approach. Women need to take over more often.
- Detailed disputes
Her way: Women like to tell and hear stories, including the trials and errors, turnings and returnings.It’s their way of connecting and building the relationship. His way: Men cut to the chase. The route you travel is inconsequential. What matters is the destination.
The result: Each sex becomes too impatient to hear the other. Usually, women want details to demonstrate concern, to vicariously participate in an experience or to verify assumptions. By contrast, men want only enough details to draw the bigpicture message. Everything else gets tossed as trivial. Again, each sex can benefit from the other’s behavior. Men ought to explain their thinking and not simply jump to conclusions. Women need to get to the bottom line more quickly.
- Emotional exchanges
Her way: She tends to treat male colleagues like her husband or boyfriend. His way: He often handles women associates like his wife or girlfriend. The result: A subtle and tricky gender miscommunication. It’s also one that people are loath to examine. Typically, men and women bring into the office some version of the sexual dynamics they have at home. We also gravitate to workplace confidants, mentors or employees who resemble the intimates in our personal lives, especially spouses. That means you’ll discover quieter struggles in business of whatever people’s fights are about at home, such as who’s right and who’s wrong or disagreements about money. If you’re in some kind of standoff or you feel like he or she “doesn’t understand” you, take a break to think it through. Make sure you’re not importing a personal issue into a business environment.
Bio
Joanna L. Krotz has been investigating the payoffs and challenges of small business owners, particularly women‐led firms, for years. She’s interviewed hundreds of male and female entrepreneurs as a national magazine editor, author and journalist, online small business columnist and host of a Web radio show.