The third land I call Dumbing Down. Many of the women in the study hid their brightness in order to fit in. Even though these women knew they were bright, they found it hard to celebrate their brightness.

I tried not to look different, not to look smart, not to be interested
in other things people weren't interested in. (Mary)
I played stupid, so nobody would know that I was different. (Hope)

This theme concerns the double bind smart women face: they are expected to behave one way because they are smart, and another because they are women. A few women in my study hid their giftedness so completely they could never acknowledge that trait, even to themselves, until adulthood. Women have long bent to the cultural message that it is unfeminine to be bright. Many women fear they will be rejected socially or be considered unfeminine if they appear to be too bright or too competent. Many women in leadership positions well understand this issue.

The Land of No Cracks Allowed Even though the women in my study hid their intelligence at times, they still achieved academic success. However, later in their lives, when success didn't come as easily, failure hit hard and deep. This is the fourth land: No Cracks Allowed. Dealing with failure wasn't easy. Neither was asking for help in those hard times, and it was often misunderstood.

If I don't succeed the first time, it's a failure. (Joy)In my life, I'm the one who makes everything okay for otherpeople. I'm the one who's in control, who problem-solves.The question is, 'When I need help where do I go?' Nobodyknows how to nurture me, to help me. Because when I'mnot in control, they all go, 'Holy moley, where did that comefrom?' (Anne)When I needed help everybody said, 'Are you kidding? You'restrong, you're confident, you're outgoing.' (Bobbi)

Are we doomed to stay in the Country called Double Bind? Of course not, It's a country many of us have to travel through, on our way to other lands.There is a tale about a little boy who bragged to his mother that Tarzan conquered all the jungle animals, even the mighty lion. The child's mother replied, "My son, you will hear a different story when the lion learns to write." Like the lion, we women need to write our own stories, expressing our individual gifts to the world--especially if leadership is one of those gifts. We need to discover, speak and live our own truths. One of the best ways to leave the Country called Double Bind is to use the passport that each of us has been given. Our passport, in this case, is the parcel of gifts and talents that each of us owns. When we show this passport, we will be able to pass into the Country called Celebration.

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AWL Journal Volume 1, Number 1, Spring 1997