Today, more than ever, the words we choose to connect with loved ones, co-workers, and others are critical. We are dealing with a pandemic, a severe economic crisis, race and equality issues, political divides, and families being torn apart under the pressure of it all.  These are trying times, and how we communicate may serve to complicate them more or be the conduit to recovery.  Disruption has become the norm and choices appear to be diminishing. But, you can control how you change and respond – from the inside out. You can harness the power of your voice. Your voice is a choice.

Here are a few strategies for choosing wisely to have a greater impact as a mindful communicator:

Active listening is underrated for how it serves both the listener and the speaker. When you listen well, you can reaffirm the feelings of the speaker and seek to hear what they need. You get to choose if you are willing and able to meet their needs. Listening is best served with an empathetic ear and compassionate responses. “I hear you.” “Tell me more.” “What do you fear?” These are excellent channels to filling in the gaps that separate us. “What,” “How,” “Tell me” are great approaches for the curious. Curiosity is a more productive posture than judgment. Whereas, beginning your inquiry with “why” may imply judgment regardless of your intent. For example: “Why do you support that policy?”  Can you see the negative impact that might have?

Listening carefully begins with your own voice – what words do you choose for the voice in your head? How does your internal narrative support your values? Once you have this internal change figured out you may be equipped to explore external changes. You may be ready for the challenge of a heartfelt inquiry that endeavors to tease out the fears and needs of another. For example: What keeps your loved one, from the opposite political party, up at night?

Values and beliefs inform our word choices. When we are being authentic and honest with ourselves our values serve us well. Sometimes our beliefs conflict with our values, and sometimes they conflict with the values others hold. Knowing, living, and speaking our values relies on routine self-awareness. Once you are grounded in your values, you can assess how well your word choices support them. If they do not, consider changing your words. Consider this thought: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me.” This is simply not true. The harm occurs when your words are out of alignment with your values. Even the words you choose for your internal narrative can harm you. For example: What you tell yourself about your ability to navigate economic challenges will either hold you back or propel you forward.  The same goes with the pandemic. You can choose positive words and thoughts that don’t harness more fear and lead you to a productive path.

The various crises upon us require that we learn to connect well with others, in some cases this may be a relearning. Either way, our ability to do so hinges on the words we choose.  As we navigate these unstable times, it is incumbent upon each of us to build upon the empathy and compassion we discover when we reflect on our own values. This sets us up for success in relating to others, particularly those who are unlike us or have opposing points of view. We have the capacity to observe and name our feelings and needs. We are capable of learning how words influence inclusion, biases, and judgment. We can choose words that heal, support, and connect. Communication bridges are built on a foundation of compassion and a desire to be a good human. This is what leads us to common ground – ground on which we are all equal. How overtly do your values show up in your conversations?

Perspective can be challenging when change occurs rapidly and affects our sense of control. Words have the power to influence your perspective. Simple phrases such as “I get to” as opposed to “I have to” can make a remarkable difference in how you feel.  “I have to get this project done by Friday” implies a burden and a lack of control in what I do. “I get to work on this project and share it on Friday” sets you up to feel gratitude for the opportunity and reframes what you control. “I get to pick the kids up after work” has the same impact. Think about it. What do you get to do this weekend?

Connections can still happen at work. Until recent years, we were conditioned not to bring our personal lives to work. But now most of our work is conducted in our homes. Zoom links the hours of our days. Words that connect us at work might be delivered through various mediums, but this does not reduce their impact. Particularly in times of uncertainty, the ability to inspire, recognize, lead, and be of service are paramount. These skills and many others are driven by word choices, ones that provide the power intended. Words that minimize, denigrate, or reduce are replaced with those that uplift, acknowledge, and motivate, to better serve your intent. Your words influence the perspectives of others.

Self-awareness is perhaps the most important component of Emotional Intelligence and an important part of communicating effectively at this time of evolving disruption. It takes a deep dive into self-awareness to reconnect with your values and assess how they align with your needs. Your Emotional Intelligence informs word choices that uphold and strengthen your sense of self. With this grounding, your first reflection might be the value of building relationships and contributing to the greater good. Each of us gets to decide how we respond to the challenges of the pandemic. We can choose to see the silver linings and weave them into the fabric of the future, which includes how we communicate with others.

The health of humanity hinges on our collective ability to choose words with greater intent, to use our voices in honor of our values and with respect for others. Your own well-being may be tied to the words others choose. How you respond, and which words you allow to influence your internal narrative, may have a lingering affect. Bridging gaps begins as an inside job and expands outward to the world. How we express ourselves is improved through an empathic lens. Knowing the right words can have a daily impact on our lives and the lives of others.  Now is the time to learn how to create positive connections and learn how to speak your values. Knowing what to say and how to say it has never been so important. Our collective voices will guide us through these difficult times by helping us build (or rebuild) connections. We are stronger together.  Yours is the voice of humankind and your voice is a choice. How will you use it differently tomorrow? Who will you positively impact with well-chosen words and your well-tuned ear?  Your commitment to some or all of these strategies can create a positive impact that is exponential.

Terre Short has been a coach in some capacity her entire career. Through coaching, speaking, and facilitating she has inspired staff, physicians, and all levels of leaders to connect to their why, and to harness the power of empathy and personal relationships. She has more than 30 years of leadership experience, a Masters in Business Administration/Healthcare Management, her Professional Coach Certification (PCC), and is a Certified Patient Experience Professional (CPXP). She is also the author of the recently released book, The Words We Choose: Your Guide to How and Why Words Matter, which was just awarded 2020 American Book Fest finalist. Additional information can be found at ShortGroup.net.