By Anat Rapoport
At the very beginning of my career as a developer, someone who worked with me in a student position graduated and started interviewing. He went to be interviewed at a place that is still well-known and successful to this day, and they mistakenly invited him to be a team leader interview instead of a developer interview. The mistake was discovered in the process, but he still got an offer and went for it.
I was amazed. In my mind, the process of advancement was supposed to be linear, methodical, based on hard work and merit. Only after a few years did I realize that there was a huge gap between where my self-perception was, and where I needed it to be.
We all know and recognize the female stereotype. We are purported to be less brave than men, willing to accept less money, present ourselves for fewer promotions, praise ourselves less, and take less credit for our successes.
That image makes me angry and I know other women feel the same. My advice is to take strength from this and fight back. When enough of us get angry and do something to change the situation —ask for more money, be more courageous, apply for a promotion— we will set an example for more women to see and do the same.
That said, how can women advance and raise the bar for other women? Start with these five steps.
Step 1. Develop determination
In 2015, I was one of three engineering managers up for a promotion to director. Over the previous two years, I had worked hard to show myself capable. I had made personal changes that turned me into a better manager. My people were happy. My projects were succeeding. I was meeting deadlines. Still, I felt like the VP held the power to dictate the next step in my career: if he allowed me to move up, great, otherwise it seemed like I would be stuck in a dead-end job without options. I told a friend about the promotion and my concerns, and in response she said, “You have what it takes to be a senior manager, if not in this place, then somewhere else.”
It was like a light bulb suddenly went on. My friend was absolutely right. If I didn’t get the promotion here, I would find another way to move up to a director position. In fact, I didn’t need to wait for this VP to think highly of me and make a decision. I could look outside my company now if I wanted to. As I considered my friend’s words over the following weeks, I realized that my career was not in the VP’s hands; it was in mine. I wanted that promotion, and I was going to get it, whether at this company or somewhere else. I held the power to choose my next step.
Fortunately, after a short while, I landed the position. The company’s management, however, shifted shortly after, prompting me to leave. But I did so with a newfound bravery.
Remember this: You always have the option of leaving for a new position. In general, women’s loyalty to a workplace is radically greater than men’s. Do you know why? Because men, when they don’t progress and don’t get what they want, leave.
Step 2. Develop resistance
React calmly and professionally to things that happen. There are always organizational changes, changes of managers, industry upheaval, dismissal, and other unforeseen events.
Yes, things may have failed, but you are not a failure. Be strong even when what you undertook didn’t work. The most important thing is to learn from it and be resilient.
Acknowledge situations where you can’t give your best — for example, if you are a mother, bring your need for a flexible schedule to the attention of your manager or your team and find a way to make it work. You don’t have to run away or apologize. In the big picture of life, if you want your career and you want to raise children, do it as best you can with minimal feelings of guilt regarding both your family and your work.
Step 3. Ask for feedback
In my personal journey, the main hardship I dealt with at the beginning of my career was a blind spot that I was unaware of. As a successful software developer, I aspired to become a team lead. However, I was seen as too aggressive, despite the fact that a man behaving in the same way would have been perceived instead as assertive and ambitious. I didn’t get a promotion that professionally I deserved. Lacking female role models, I attempted to conform to male stereotypes, believing that this was my path to success. This whole episode was a very difficult moment in my career — but also one of the rewarding ones.
The lesson I learned was to ask for feedback and help from managers, from colleagues, and from a mentor, if you can find one. You will get significant insights into things that you wouldn’t have otherwise discovered. Listening and making the appropriate changes indicates your commitment to growth and improvement.
Step 4. Don’t wait for someone to praise you
Take credit for what you do. Look for opportunities to take on significant projects. Look for creative places to stand out and bring value. Give a lecture on a new topic in your field. Read about professional things that don’t apply to you and try them. If you work with an organization that interacts with customers, schedule a conversation once a fortnight or two to talk to the customer and see how they’re doing, what’s working or not. You will learn a lot from this and bring enormous value to your organization and new standards to your group.
Step 5. Watch and learn
What have I learned from watching the men around me succeed and progress? Let me emphasize that these are stereotypical statements, and I don’t think we need to adopt everything men. Choose whatever makes you brave and gain inspiration from it. Develop your own style.
- Men are not busy with failure. They move on as if nothing happened.
- Men focus on the goal, set high goals and try with all their might to meet them. They are less emotionally involved in balancing work and home.
- Men don’t wait for anyone to approve of them.
- Men courageously take every option to move forward. They ask for the maximum amount of money for the job.
- Men change jobs easily. This is the strongest lever to career growth. When you upgrade your title, upgrade your salary, and take on new positions, you become someone with a much larger canvas than someone who has worked in two places throughout their career and was afraid to move from place to place due to comfort and balance.
When Women Speak Out
Take note, I am not against balancing work and home and slowing down when you are in the critical years of child-rearing. But I am in favor of you choosing and knowing the prices of each choice.
While we are making this journey, we are promoting equality, we are promoting a better world, we are an inspiration to one another, and we are pulling our sisters with us — who in turn will pull other women with them. In the end, our daughters will be empowered to stand up for what’s rightfully theirs… And what is more worthy of an effort than that?
***
ABOUT ANAT RAPOPORT
Anat Rapoport has worked her way through every rank in the engineering and technology industries. She has been VP of engineering at multiple companies and was GM and co-CEO in her last two roles. Rapoport is an experienced R&D manager with a master of science in computer science from Tel Aviv University. She is an Israel Defense Forces 8200, and a mom of three. Her new book is Woman Up!: Your Guide to Success in Engineering and Tech, (Lioncrest Publishing (May 31, 2023).